Good Sunday morning to you.I have to start somewhere so I’ll begin with my current literary hero, Ted Byrne, the Parking Guy.Okay Ted, why all of a sudden do we need 732 parking spaces?It’s either for the hotel/convention center (which isn’t going to happen) or, their Plan B, a casino.I’m suspicious Ted, and I don’t like it one little bit.A Talkbacker posted this yesterday, “This morning I was sitting on a bench outside market, enjoying a cool breeze coming from the northwest parking lot.I cannot imagine a seven story parking garage blocking that view or the breeze.”
WHEN SEVEN IS NOT SEVEN
In his latest edition of “Why we need a seven story parking garage in the heart of downtown Lancaster” Ted explains how a seven story garage is not really a seven story garage as follows, “Well actually, a seven story building won’t be seven stories high.I think I wrote this before, but we’ve spoken about so much, in such detail, that it does start to blur.I guess that is one un-beatable problem of extensive discussion… But, lemme try to do it here.There is something called grade… it is the pitch of a parcel, lot, footprint… wuddever.Some go up right to left, some go down.Some go up front to back, others go down.Some do all of that at the same time.”
Enough, already.I can’t take much more.Tomorrow I will print Chas’s concerns about this garage (see “Don’t Call Me Sport!” below) because I think they are valid and Ted has not answered them.And the insightful questions may be what set Ted off on Chas.Now, I mentioned an exclusive.Yes, Ted has sent me a picture of his “very furry dog, Rocco.”I am afraid to put his picture on this front page as it might scare readers away, so please click on the “Rocco” button on the left to see Ted and Rita’s bundle of joy.Ted, could the next exclusive you give me be something a little meatier and juicier please?I’m a serious journalist.Surely you must know of a sex scandal at the Lancaster Parking Authority?Thank you so much.
COME CLEAN, HENNIGAN
It really is time for Dave Hennigan, the editor of the Sunday News, to resign.In his “column” this week, “Clyde taxed by the news” there is this, “I wish the county commissioners – Dick Shellenberger and Molly Henderson – would come clean and explain why they oppose the convention center.There seems to be no rational reason for their position.Ms. Henderson’s quote in the paper that the project has become ‘moribund’ is a ridiculous generalization.This claim by Mr. Shellenberger that the taxpayers could be stuck with a $20 million bill is equally inane.For that to happen, the county tourist industry would have to dry up.”
What does the tourist industry have to do with a convention center, Hennigan?Why don’t you come clean?Why don’t you explain why your employer thinks he should receive $6.8 million in taxpayer’s money for a building valued at $1.3 million.Explain that, Hennigan.Shame on you yet again.
A huge “Thank you” is in order for Commissioners Molly Henderson and Dick Shellenberger.In response to the one-sided and disgraceful piece in yesterday’s New Era, “What could be impact of suit?” a Talkbacker posted this, “What kind of stupid question is that… hopefully it will have the impact of ending this tragedy before we have a white elephant to support.Nobody (at least the vast majority of those in LancasterCounty) want this thing.It is a bad model and dying industry.Why are we allowing a few elected leaders and a few prominent business interests to mortgage our future for their own gain is anyone’s guess.”The Lanco Yokel also has an excellent piece on this titled “Inept, Incompetent Backstabbers” which is here.
I am so shocked and scared by Representative Gibson C. Armstrong that it will have to wait until tomorrow because I am so angry I can barely type.What a freakin’ idiot.I will just say for today that a friend and a Talkbacker said in an email regarding the New Era story “Classroom controversy,”“Germany in the late ‘30’s.”
More on this, Patricia Poist and G. Terry Madonna is coming tomorrow.Have a nice day – and I hope Rocco’s picture didn’t upset anyone too much!
OH, THE BYRNE – PART 2
Ted Byrne, the Parking Guy, and I had this email exchange this morning:
“Thank you so much.Rocco is featured on lipnews1 this morning.Rocco wasn’t sticking his tongue out at me was he?No, of course not.How silly of me.I’m going to go play with my Fisher Price parking garage now!Have a nice day and make sure you give Rocco plenty of water during this heat wave.
To which Ted responded:
“Yeah… Rocco is a cutie…. Hey, remember when I praised your fairness for posting the links to the parts of my posts that you repost.Hmmm…. Noticed that you stopped doing that.Any special reason?
[My response – Ted, I do try to be fair and I’m not sure what links you think I should post.Your Letter to the Editor of the Intell and the article, ”City parking exec:Now is time to act” in yesterday’s Intell were not posted Online so I can’t link to them.Tomorrow I will link to the Talkback again and will quote from the two articles I note above.Now, any sex scandals at the Parking Authority I should know about?Have a nice day.]
Please click on the “Ticket To Ride” button on the left for this week’s news (or non-news) round-up!
*** BREAKING NEWS ***
“Neither eminent domain nor government are intrinsically good or evil… Each is a tool for mankind. Each has been around for centuries, even eons. They compliment our greatest values.”
Ted Byrne, the Parking Guy, on Talkback just a few minutes ago ()Ted, how long can you keep this up?Are you going to take all of your posts and publish them as a book?My eyes are blurring and my mind has turned to mush…
[I posted this on the “old” site this morning.Please be patient and come to this site until I let you know that LIP News is back up and “running.”Thank you]
Folks, it would appear I’m not quite as crazy and stupid as many of you first suspected.I contacted my webhost about this problem of the type being halfway down the page and they said, “We have contacted the software developers regarding this issue; in the meantime, you may wish to change the layout used.”I’m simply not prepared to do that at this time, so please continue to go to www.lipnews1.com for the next several days.Thank you.
~ Ted Byrne, the cutesy scoundrel, turns mean! ~
“DON’T CALL ME SPORT”
Several days ago, a Talkback poster named Chas, came on to challenge Ted Byrne, the Parking Guy, about the proposed seven-story parking garage.He made the terrible mistake of calling Ted, “Sport.”This is classic stuff, ladies and gentlemen.You will not see this level of eloquent bulls--t, um, I mean writing, again for years.Savor it.Put it in a treasured spot to pull out from time to time when life has you down and you need a lift.Come write for me, Ted.I would never call you “Sport.”
“A closed mind is a dead mind, y’know.As for Chas… that person is dead to me… fool me once, shame on you… fool me twice… shame on me.I guess that person is so insecure in his/her questions that he/she feels a need to make her/himself radioactive so that no one will bother answering them.Well… I don’t touch radioactive stuff… I’m not interested in growing strange glowing nodules where the sun don’t shine.Nor am I interested in discussing anything with someone I don’t know who starts off by calling me “Sport.”What’s happened to breeding?Sigh…”
“As for Chas… incivility is simply beneath contempt.A fella/gal who can walk upright beneath a snake demands little of my serious attention.His/her points are fully sullied by his/her toilet mouth.At some point, decent people refuse to swim in swill.His/her mother should have taught him/her better.It is as much her shame as his/hers.It is kindness like yours that overlooks incendiary hatred which fuels the flames that can overwhelm a community.While I understand your kindness, I cannot share in tactics that excuse people who have made our system so uncivil to good people who would otherwise run for office.It is creatures like this thing Chas who explain why government is looked upon cynically instead of skeptically.I know Charlie, I know Rick.They are good people each trying to accomplish something.While they understandably might fiercely disagree over tactics, strategies, even issues, neither of them will belittle the dignity of the other.And after all, this is not about dignity, but vision.”
[At one point, Ted confuses Chas with a cute little owl (who could that be?) and insults the poor bird.This is his apology]
AARGH… you should be hurt.I was WRONG!I wrote “Chris” when I meant to write “Chas!”My fingers on occasion do not do my bidding and the result surprises me as much as others.I am ghastly sorry.You have every right to be hurt.It was an error.I am sorry, I apologize.You have been nothing but civil even in disagreement.I cannot ask for more.You can expect that I won’t do this again, and that I shouldn’t have done it to begin with.
As you can see, I was delighted to respond to your good natured remarks… that would not have happened with “Chas” whoever he/she is.
Thanks for being so gentle in your response… that error deserved much more… but your breeding kept you from it.It is what I expect from good people and what you have a right to expect from me.I am a cretin.And repeat… am very sorry.”
[Ted is now on book three on Talkback.Folks, with everything else going on, I simply confess that I have not read it all.I will catch up at some point and if there is any other bulls--t, um, I mean writing, at this creative level (and you can be assured that there is) I will bring it to you.We will also see if Dr. Fraud can medicate Ted. By the way, Chas seems to be a strong person who recovered and came back firing. Oh, my. Oh, my.]
I have no business having a website.I don’t know the first thing about it.I don’t even know what html means.The situation is this:I have had to delete the entire front page of LIP News and if you saw it you know why.It was far, far too long and I had been told that many times, but the housekeeping got ahead of me.Now, the problem is very simple – for some reason the word processing is leaving about eight inches of blank space on the page before my typing appears.I will hopefully get help on that today and be back in “normal” business.The plan then will be this – the incest story and all of the accompanying legal work will be moved to this website and LIP News1 will be dedicated to that.Anything new will first be printed on LIP News and then be moved here.This will reduce the size of the website greatly.I also promise to keep the front page to one short page and index the inside stories.This will all take some time – but it will be done.
Tomorrow I will catch up on the news – because there are some stories I am just dying to write about.This disaster also caused me to miss the one year anniversary of Cortney Fry’s disappearance on July 20 – and a major story will be forthcoming as promised.One note – we sometimes forget that this kind of tragedy affects two families.The family of the victim, of course, to whom I extend my greatest sympathies and also my deepest hope for justice for Cortney.But it also affects the family of the alleged perpetrator and changes their lives forever as well.They have grief and uncertainty and anger and also a need for healing.Two decent families caught up in a nightmare.And somewhere in the middle is a little one-year old girl.Peace be with her.
Please check back later today as I work to pick up the pieces.I would like to thank those who have done so much to help – I greatly appreciate it.
SENSUAL FIRE FROM THE PARKING GUY?
Ted Byrne, you light my fire - but not about this parking garage.For the “Sensual Fire” of the Parking Guy please click on the “Ted Byrne” button on the left.The other promised articles will come tomorrow as I am going to go have lunch with a friend and try to get over my website in ruins.Thank you for reading LIPNews1.
OH, THE BYRNE!
Folks, a writer will do anything to write.This is my desperate attempt to save the old website but still continue to write (somebody stop me).I have information that I have to share.This is the REAL Ted Byrne, the Parking Guy.(The artist’s rendering was really dead-on!)And not to brag – but I was right – he’s a writer!Ted and I continue to correspond and we have bonded and all of that.I will share his latest literary treasure with you later today.
YOU CAN LEARN ABOUT HIS "VERY FURRY DOG, ROCCO" ONLY ON LIP NEWS!!