~ From Charlie’s Promise ~
SEX FOR BREAKFAST?
It was one of my early visits to Dartmouth. I was sitting with Paul and Charlie at breakfast and the topic came up. Who was going to go get the coffee?
“I can’t,” I said. “Someone might come and take you.”
“What, Becky?” Paul asked.
“You’re gorgeous. Someone might come and take you while I’m gone. I can’t get the coffee.”
“Becky,” Paul said. “You’re embarrassing me!” And he got up to get the coffee. His face was bright red.
“Maybe I shouldn’t have said that,” I said to Charlie sitting across the table. “He really does look embarrassed.”
“I think he’ll get over it,” Charlie said dryly.
“He is gorgeous, you know.”
“I wouldn’t know.”
“Well, he is. Just in case you ever wanted to know,” I said.
We both laughed. Paul came back with coffee and I stayed silent.
“Becky, why are you so quiet?” Paul asked.
“I don’t want to say anything for fear I might embarrass you,” I said.
We all laughed. And then I saw trouble in Paul’s eyes. He looked at me and said, “Becky, I’ve never known you to be quiet before.”
“Oh, Paul!” I said. “Do you want to start a fight right here in the middle of Thayer? On second thought, it might give these people something to do!”
“If you want to give these people something to do, Becky, I can lay you down on this table (and he rapped the table with his knuckles) and make love to right here,” Paul said.
“Paul!” My face turned red.
“Gee, Becky. Am I embarrassing you?”
“Oh, you’re impossible!”
“I know. That’s why you love me.”
“Is that so? We’ll see how much love you…”
Paul was shaking his head, “I’m not worried.”
“Oh, you aren’t worried?”
“Not one bit,” he said.
“Why is that?”
“You’d come begging me for it.”
Charlie was watching and listening in fascination. “Do you two do this all the time?”
Paul nodded his head, “Yes.”
“Who wins?” Charlie asked.
“I always do,” Paul said.
“He most certainly does not,” I said. “I win at least half the time.”
Paul kissed me.
“Well,” I said. “If that was your attempt to make up it most certainly did not work. Of course, it might have – if the kiss had been adequate.”
“That kiss wasn’t adequate?”
“Far from it.”
“We’ll see about that.”
“Paul – no - I didn’t mean here, for heaven’s sake.”
Paul gave me a kiss that had every head in Thayer Hall turning. “Was that adequate?”
“That was adequate,” I said. “See,” I said to Charlie. “I told you I win. This time I got a good kiss.”
Well, the next time we went to Thayer for breakfast there was real trouble brewing in Paul’s eyes. Oh, my.
We had all gotten our food and as we were sitting down Charlie said, “I don’t know if I can eat here with you guys anymore.”
“Why’s that?” Paul asked.
They’re calling you two the kissing couple. They say you kiss all the time.”
“Is that so?” Paul asked, with an ominous tone in his voice. He looked around. “Becky, the next table is empty,” he said.
“Oh, no! Paul! No.”
Paul began moving the chairs away.
“No, Paul,” I said.
He ignored me. He picked me up and laid me down on the table on my back. He climbed up on top of me. We both laughed. Then he gave me a whopper of a kiss. My arms had just gone around his back when we heard footsteps coming rapidly towards us.
“What is going on here? You can’t do that. Oh, my God! Get down from there right now! What is going on?”
It was the security guard and the shock was evident in his voice. “Get down from that table right now,” he said again.
Paul jumped down and lifted me off. He gave the security guard a wink. “Just having a little fun, sir.”
The guard took it all in. He was about sixty and not very tall but he had a big build and a big voice.
He began to laugh softly. “That’s the funniest thing I’ve ever seen,” he said. “Oh! Wait until I tell my wife about this. She won’t believe it. That’s the funniest thing I’ve ever seen.”
“You must have a good relationship with your wife,” Paul said.
“Yes, young man, we have a good…” The guard pulled himself up straight, collected his thoughts and looked Paul up and down.
“Don’t think you can pull one over on me, young man.”
“We were just having a little fun,” Paul said.
“Now you listen to me and you listen to me good,” he said. “I’m going to yell at you for quite a while and when I’m finished I want you to say in a voice that’s loud enough for this entire room to hear, ‘I’m sorry. It will never happen again.’ Do you understand me?”
Paul nodded and looked contrite.
The guard proceeded to let Paul have it in a loud voice for several minutes – threatening immediate expulsion and then demanding an apology.
Paul stood with his head hung low. When the guard was done he pulled his head up and said in a very loud voice, “I am very sorry, sir. It will never happen again.”
As the guard was about to walk away, Paul gave him a wink. The guard began to laugh again. “That’s the funniest thing I’ve ever seen,” he mumbled and his body shook as he tried to control his laughter on his way back to his chair at the front of the room.
Paul and I sat down across from Charlie and began to eat our breakfasts. Charlie threw down his toast in mock disgust, “You guys! Please. I’m just trying to eat my breakfast here.”
Paul and I began to roar.
Later that day we were at the diner having lunch when Hawk came in. “Sit down,” Paul said.
Hawk had something on his mind and he wasn’t in the mood for small talk. He blurted out, “Did you hear a couple was having sex on a table in Thayer this morning at breakfast?”
Paul gave me a wink. “No!” Paul exclaimed. “We hadn’t heard! Sex in Thayer Hall at breakfast? What did the couple look like?” Paul asked.
Hawk was excited. “They said the girl had long blond hair and was pretty. They didn’t say anything about the guy.”
“I’m sorry, Paul,” I said.
Hawk looked back and forth at us but he was too excited to take anything in. “They say he put his hands up her shirt!” he exclaimed
I gasped. “Paul, did you put your hands up my shirt?” I asked.
“No, I didn’t. I swear I didn’t. But that kiss – that kiss was pretty good don’t you think?”
Hawk was looking back and forth at us.
“Yes, Paul,” I said. “That was a very good kiss. But that table - that table was a little hard on my back.”
“It was you two?” Hawk almost yelled. He couldn’t believe it. “Paul, what’s come over you? You could get expelled for that. It was you two?”
“I met a girl at a camp this summer,” Paul said.
“The funniest part was Charlie…” I started to say.
Hawk interrupted. “You mean Charlie was there?”
We both nodded our heads.
“Oh!” Hawk said. “I’ve got to go find Charlie!” And he left without saying goodbye.
Paul and I howled.
The boy in the booth behind us turned around. “I was in Thayer this morning. It was you two?” he asked.
“That’s the funniest thing I’ve ever seen,” he said.
Paul winked. “We were just having a little fun,” he said.
And so, a Dartmouth legend was born. And Paul and I would have occasion to have several more close encounters with the security guard over the next few months….
MORE OF "CHARLIE'S PROMISE" TO COME LATER.